how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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