It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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