Me. At least after what I've been through.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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