It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
