how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
