well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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