so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
