Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
