He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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