Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
