It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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