toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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