Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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