after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
