halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
