Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
