Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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