If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
