i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
