You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
