Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
