my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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