I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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