So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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