So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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