it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
