so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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