alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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