I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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