Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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