so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
