i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
my liver is dry heaving
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
