I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
