I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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