Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
