I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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