nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
