Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
