Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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