i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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