Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
