My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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