Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
