walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize