Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
