Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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