he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize