I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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