I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
