I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
should my penis look like a turkey
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
