oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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