Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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