i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
