I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
