Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
