I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We need to rekindle our bromance
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You ruined the universe
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize