i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
