my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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