The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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