At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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