Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
