I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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