Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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