Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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