New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
