Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
