Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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