love makes seman taste better
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
