i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
