i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The Olympian is in my bed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
