so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we're making bets on your personal life
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
