did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
