Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
