420 ftw
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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