be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize