Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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