guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
