I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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