I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
