ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
