WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
